Other people
Many people utilize others in their search for fulfillment….
For example, we can spend 2 hours on the phone, describing in intricate detail our personal problems….A re-occurring title for each of these types of conversations could be: “Look at me, I am the perfect victim” or “Look at how badly others behave towards me or towards others”……The confirmation that we receive of our ‘victim status’ gives us a false sense of acceptance and support; whereas what we are in fact receiving is the other person’s pity. This is not the real communication or precious insight that we were hoping for. Nothing has really shifted in our lives or improved…this type of conversation may leave us feeling a little bit better, temporarily…but those on the receiving end of the phone may feel that their energy has ‘dried up’.
So what should I do….not talk about what is bothering me? Is it better to hold back, close myself off from others?
The answer is always to be found hiding behind the problem…so let’s bring it to light
Others may inspire us to change and to progress. Within a relationship based on respect, the other person may even help us to use our own strengths to solve difficult situations which occur in our lives. But by helping us in this way, they allow us to avoid using these strengths as stress-relief or respite. This type of help puts us in a position of dependence; a vicious cycle of needing to complain and narrate stories and scenarios to others, the frequency and repetitiveness of which begins to drain us as well as those around us.
What is the alternative?
Other people
Relationships based on satisfying our ego in effect become a ‘dependence trap’ bound to lead to worry and heartache but they can once again become a source of happiness and joy …. How? If we make the decision to return to school….it is often said that our school years are the best years of our lives…why? Because it is a time when we are learning about ourselves and the world around us… During childhood a ‘paradoxical phenomenon’ exists…our relationships are more fulfilling and authentic. So what became of all this strength, the strength given to us by an innocent heart and mind? Thankfully the answer is that our strength is simply hiding, it has been covered up. It is hidden behind all our expectations and selfish demands of our relationships.
“When we gradually ease ourselves away from repressing our strengths of innocence and fulfilment, by having fewer ‘wants’ , then we begin to listen to the deeper needs of others, our relationships begin to gain meaning again and once again become authentic, they regain a deeper sense of meaning. This gives us genuine peace and happiness. Happiness is only to be found behind selfless giving: by expressing my internal beauty regardless of the others’ reactions…Practice
I return to the here and now and I focus my attention inward….I choose 3 relationships which are important in my life and I ask myself honestly:
How much respect do I ask for? How much real respect do I offer? (real respect is the respect which overcomes the other persons’ character – it focuses on that person’s existence regardless of that person’s personality traits which I don’t find ‘convenient’).
Which needs do I desire these relationships to fulfill in me, and which of these needs do I meet within myself?
Which of these needs are real and which of these are selfish (I can understand if these are selfish needs because when these are not met: I get annoyed, I lack self confidence, I feel insecure, I get angry).
